Jamison Trumpets

Left 4 Dead (2), Killing Floor, and Et Ceterated Bullshit

November 3rd, 2009 by DanielRGT

Recently, I picked up the game Killing Floor on Steam. I’m not going to go into great detail about how I think the game is or what the game can do (you can do that by yourself you lazy whore), but it’s a pretty good game that’s been keeping me entertained for a little bit. In short, the game is a zombie shooter that works in “waves”, that is to say you must survive for several numbers of waves of zombies to survive until the “boss” zombie, then if you defeat him the map is over and you are taken to a new map. That’s the premise in short, and there’s some XP leveling up bullshit but that’s going way too far into the game and I’m sticking by my “you-look-it-up-goddamnit” policy.

Now in contrast, there’s a game like Left 4 Dead. Fans of this game look at Killing Floor and their giant floppy boner (this is not oxymoronic, this is simply a comment on the type of people who have hard ons for L4D) for Left 4 Dead goes nuts. They become Jason Stavin’ Angry, saying Killing Floor is just a cheap knockoff of Left 4 Dead and how Left 4 Dead is a much much better game and how if you play Killing Floor you’re just a great big ol’ faggot.

Classy ladies over on the Left 4 Dead side.

Meanwhile on the Killing Floor side there’s a bunch of indy gamer cockasses who go “Left 4 Dead is such bullshit (Translation: Left 4 Dead is too mainstream), Killing Floor is the best zombie fucking shooter ever goddamnit. You play Left 4 Dead? Fuck Left 4 Dead, I see a Left 4 Dead player I kill ’em.”

In short, it’s two fanboys to two games throwing their shit at each other.

My opinion of the matter is this: Killing Floor and Left 4 Dead are two different games. The only thing they have in common are zombies and guns. Comparing these two games when they are built to be two different games and are two different games is the dumbest thing. One is a campaign story-based multiplayer first-person zombie shooter. The other is a wave based RPG first-person zombie shooter.

Now if you simply comparing them as “games” then fine, you can say “I like this Killing Floor/Left 4 Dead better than Killing Floor/Left 4 Dead.” But that can be said in the same way that I believe that Street Fighter is a far superior game to that of Qbert (and as such, all Qbert fans can suck my dick. Respectively.)

It’s time to head over to the second part of this blog post, which is also zombie related: Left 4 Dead 2. I played the demo over the weekend and here are my thoughts:

  • -It’s like Left 4 Dead.
  • -Like, exactly like it.
  • -Ok, I know it’s the sequel but maybe it could be a bit more different.
  • -Model changes do not constitute “different.”
  • -Ok, well I mean I guess you can pick up melee weapons now and hit shit with them. That’s cool I guess.
  • -25% more black people.
  • -I’m not racist.
  • -Nor am I gay.
  • -There’s new weapons.
  • -They shoot bullets.
  • -Ironically I am talking in bullet points.
  • -That was a horrible pun.
  • -Couldn’t it just be a little different?
  • -There’s a football playing infected who charges your ass.
  • -He only knows how to run in a straight line though.
  • -So if you get hit by him you’re awful.
  • -You got hit by him didn’t you.
  • -You’re awful.
  • -I mean there could be SOME differences.
  • -Oops I didn’t pre-order it I don’t get showered in Valve presents.
  • -The sky is much bluer.
  • -Ok, I guess that’s because it takes place during the day instead of at night.
  • -Fuck you for pointing that out fag.
  • -No goddamn differences.

That’s what I think. Suck it Qbert fans.

Convenience and Escalators

October 20th, 2009 by DanielRGT

I live in Chicago at the moment (for school, normally I’m in Miami). Part of living in Chicago means having to use their public transportation. I’m not going to write a blog post about Chicago’s public transportation, that would probably take several pages of internet that I don’t have.

What I’m going to be talking about is escalators, and by association elevators, and the pricks who ride them. When I see an escalator, I see (no frontin’) the word “CONVENIENCE” labeled right over it. Escalators are meant to stand on and they push you upwards (or downwards) free of charge, that is to say you don’t have to do any actual exercise to get up.

This notion, however, is far gone to some people. When people see escalators, they don’t see something that depicts laziness and convenience, they see rocket steps. When they get on an escalator, they shoot up those goddamn stairs as if their life depended on it. Stairs? Fuck stairs, escalators are super stairs motherfucker. They want to incorporate the convenience of escalators with the exercise of stairs.

This is something I can get on board with. If you do this, by all means keeping rocketing up those stairs. Me? That isn’t my scene. When I see an escalator, I stand still and let it glide me to the heavens (also known as the end destination of the escalator).

So you might be asking (you’re definitely asking this, disputing me is useless I can read your mind), “What happens when these two views of escalator usage clash?” I’ll tell you what happens; what happens is I get Jason Fucking Stavin’ Angry. When I’m standing on an escalator and letting it just take its course while I think of stomping puppies, I don’t want to hear some jackass behind me going, “GOD WALK UP THE ESCALATOR STEPS PLEASE SOME OF US ARE IN A HURRY.”

Some of us (mainly me) are not in hurry motherfucker, so I could give two shits about your goddamn hurry.

The same thing happens to me with elevators. If you haven’t figured it out (actually, if you really haven’t maybe you should stop reading cause you’re fucking stupid) I’m a lazy person. So if I want to get to the 2nd floor, and I am given an elevator to use; I’m going to use the elevator. It’s encouraged that I use the stairs, but it’s also encouraged that I don’t kick puppies and you don’t see me not doing that (For what it is worth, I don’t actually kick or stomp puppies, unless they aren’t barking or playing ball).

I will get in that elevator, I will hit the number 2, and I will get off and say “fuck ya’ll” if you give me a dirty look. Alternately, I’ll get my ass kicked by angry turbo stair users.

Now See Here Whippahsnappah…

October 3rd, 2009 by DanielRGT

Whippersnapper is a word commonly used by old people to refer to young people that are, purportedly, “on their lawn” or “ruining their begonias.” Why am I even telling you this? Because yesterday, while in my dorm, I got into a row with a guy (I’m a college student, so of course he is in fact a college student as well). The row had nothing to do with anything important, I simply got the last bag of chips that he wanted.

Anyway, short story even shorter, he called me a faggot. I’m used to this as I call people faggots all the time, so it’s not hard to imagine what being called one is like. I told him that I’m sorry but I got there first, blah blah blah, I was super polite.

He then said this exact phrase, and I assure you I am not shitting you:

“Stupid whippahsnappahs taking my fuckin’ bags uh’ chips.”

I was in disbelief because I couldn’t really believe he called me a whippersnapper. Nobody in their right mind calls another fellow college student a whippersnapper. Hell, the whippersnapper phase is making its way out for old people even. If you were to go to an old person and say the word whippersnapper they would most definitely say, “Whippersnapper? What are you some sort of faggot (fagget)?”

This also verifies my theory that old people are getting cooler and cooler as time passes.

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