Jamison Trumpets

"The Dresman Manilla Folders – Lightning Sucks" – Part 2

February 23rd, 2016 by DanielRGT

I looked at Sergeant Scurvy while the fire hose of vomit that was my mouth finally showed signs of ending. There was simply no way it was possible, but the facts lay there in the middle of the room.

“This guy can’t be a fucking wizard Scurvy. I’m the wizard around here. There’s not enough room in this story for two wizards.” I was furious. I was told by my agent that I would be the star of this story as the only wizard with a duster made by the gods.

Sergeant Scurvy furrowed his brow, “I can’t understand half the shit you’re talking about Dresman. You start spitting off that wizard mumbo jumbo and it makes me extremely attracted to you. That’s not fair Larry, you know I have ED.” Scurvy looked at me with a sad look in his eyes that could only mean that he was empathizing with me very hard about the victim’s super cool duster and how it affected me.

Just then, the woman from before walked up to me while wiping the contents of my stomach off of her blouse. “I never introduced myself, I’m-“

“I know who you are, you don’t have to tell me goddamnit. Your name isn’t important, what’s important is how did this man get a duster of this quality without nobody noticing.” I didn’t have a clue what her name was, but I’d check the index later if I really needed to.

“That’s a double negative,” she said to me while realizing that her cleavage, which she worked so hard to show off, hadn’t been mentioned once. “You can’t use a double negative.”

I scoffed at her out of frustration. “You’ve clearly never not met a wizard before.” My duster was pissed. “Sergeant, I’m going to have to investigate this but I can’t be around this place anymore. I need to go home to further investigate this, especially since there was no way in hell I was going to miss the next episode of Law & Order.”

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