Jamison Trumpets

Everyone Is John: When Beastiality Meets Oreo Cookies

February 23rd, 2016 by DanielRGT

This is a write-up of a session of “Everyone is John”, a game where players at a table play the voices inside the head of John, a multiple-personality schizophrenic. This is the first write-up of our first session of Everyone is John, and if there are more in the future I will probably write those as well. The session was so interesting that I knew I could write a blog post about the events that occurred in the game and it’d be a fantastic read.

It’s recommended that you read up on the rules of Everyone is John to fully grasp what is going on here.

This is written as a narrative of sorts, however whenever one of the multiple personalities switches I will denote it using a series of hyphens (—-), or use a parentheses to explain. When one of the players rolls to perform a task, I will denote this using three ¬†asterisks (***).

Without further ado, welcome to the world of Everyone is John.

———————————————————————————————————-

John is an average man living in Minneapolis; he has a job as a mail carrier every morning and ends his day relaxing in his apartment before falling asleep. John woke up one morning, and-

———————————————————————————————————-

-decided to take a shower. After his shower, he drank some milk and got a call from his boss.

“Hey John! You were late the other times you came to work, so you better be on time today!”

John understood, and left to go perform his job as a mail carrier. On his route delivering mail, John was on the lookout for any people outside of their homes he could talk to. Luckily, an old woman was walking out of her house as John was delivering her mail.

“Oh thank you sonny” the old woman said in the most stereotypical old woman voice you ever heard.

“No problem maam. Say you look a little tense, I’m handing out free massages. Would you like one?”

***

“Oh my, that sounds wonderful. You’re such a strong young man.”

John handed the lady his phone number and she winked as he left. As he continued his route, suddenly a car came barreling through the red light. John had to make a fast maneuver and-

***

-successfully avoided colliding with the car, but in the process his own car tipped over on the side of the road. John was ok, but the person who ran the red light crashed straight into a pole and their car flipped over and caught on fire. John got out of his car and noticed people were  starting to gather. John called the ambulance and attempted to help the person who crashed.

***

As John tried to pull the man from the burning wreckage, he injured his finger by accident.

——————————————————————————————

Suddenly, John was completely unconcerned with helping the crash victim. In fact, his main priority at this point was duck suits. A duck suit is something he had to absolutely have. Noticing a bystander exiting his car to stare in awe at the fire, John immediately jumped into the car and drove off. His destination? Party City of course.

John entered Party City and walked past the cashier.

“Welcome to Party City! Can I help you?”

“Do you have a duck suit?”

“A duck suit? I think we got one, let me go check. Ah yes, here we go. I got one right here, that’ll be $15.”

John checked his wallet, he only had a single dollar.

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