Jamison Trumpets

GamerHate (Get it? Comedy!)

October 15th, 2014 by DanielRGT

I’m a comedy writer by nature (and design for those who know that I’m actually a robot) so I’m definitely not as eloquent as some other people on the following subject, but it’s kinda gotten out of hand lately so while everyone is throwing their hats into the ring, I want to make sure people know that the hat I’m throwing in is less of a hat and more of a rainbow wig I wore a previous Halloween because I thought girls would dig my clown (also see: “serial killer”) costume.

For those that know me (which is 100% of my readers since the only people who read this are my friend Tony and my dog. My dog is very advanced for his age) you would know that I don’t ever throw my hat into any rings whatsoever. I am a political nonperson; that is to say, I avoid talking about conflict and issues because I’m not very smart and I want people to think that I am, instead, very smart. It’s the complex illusion of intelligence I want people to believe in more than anything, but that requires me to learn things and if I learned anything from school it’s that the people who learn are called nerds and eventually they become extremely successful later in life. Basically what I’m saying is that I was wrong and maybe I should know something about current events. Better late than never.

Being a gamer, it’s kind of hard to sidestep the most current event happening right now in the gaming world. I’m talking of course about League of Legends World Finals.

Shit, no, I definitely meant to type GamerGate. GamerGate is the thing happening right now.



“One day, a man was severely burned (figuratively, possibly literally) by the woman he loved. That woman’s name was [NAME REMOVED FOR FAKE LEGAL REASONS], or for the purposes of this retelling we’ll call her “Gurl” (Not to be confused with her sister, “Guurl”). The man was hurt deep by Gurl and in order to get back at her, wrote a bunch of mean things about her claiming a connection between Gurl’s girlyness (perhaps this is how she got her name) and “journalistic favors”. Everyone decided that there couldn’t possibly be any bias in this man’s findings and claims and decided to elect him “Uber-Jesus.” Basically he said that Gurl had used her sexuality to win the favors of gaming journalists all over the place.

Journalistic integrity was at stake here. How can video game journalists possibly remain impartial when Gurl was out there flaunting her patented “Gurl’s Parts™” to all the journalists. Soon, the world would be overrun with articles about whatever she wanted. This is clearly how this works. More than that, what’s to stop all women from doing this? “At any point in time,” one fake GamerGater said, “women can take their shirt off and get coverage.” He later went on to say, “Whenever I try and pull my pants off for a similar effect I’m told to ‘cover up or face being ejected from this Dairy Queen.’ It’s extremely sexist.”

People decided to cry out against Gurl and labeled her a video game terrorist. Of course the only way to deal with terrorists is to send a sacrilegious amount of death, rape, and all around murder-themed threats to Gurl.

When Gurl protested and said, “What the actual fuck guys are you serious?” she received even more threats and anyone who defended her was branded a stupid “Social Justice Warrior” (which as we all know is one of the worst things you can call another human being, next to “Dingus”). Social Justice Warriors, or SJWs, are considered by many people on the internet to be the scum of the earth.

People on the internet don’t like to be told that there could be a better world in which people aren’t harassed because of their gender, skin color, sexual preference, and various other things that people who haven’t done shit wrong get harassed for. In the mind of the internet, life is perfect the way it is. What possible need could we have for the betterment of our peers?

“No,” they say, “Fuck that.” Internet users come down hard on any SJWs that try and say things like, “We shouldn’t treat women poorly” and “I believe blacks should be represented better in X,Y, and Z media!” What a bunch of jackasses those SJWs happen to be.

The internet then decided that simply branding SJWs isn’t enough and that when it comes to games and gamers, Gurl and any like minded Gurl supporters should be harshly punished. In addition they wanted to profess their love of entrance ways.”


That’s just a short summary and it’s unfortunately only the catalyst. It’s still going on today with dumb gamers everywhere trying so hard to shout their favorite GamerGate cheer, “DE-FENSE. WE LIKE DE-FENSE. WE ARE DE-FENSE.  WEDEFENDJOURNALISTICINTEGRITYBUTREALLY-WEAREAHATEGROUPCREATEDBYHATEANDFUELEDBYHATETIPSHATMLADY(To be said extremely fast and under your breath as to ensure maximum impact)”

I suppose it’s not fair for me to say “gamers” because #notallgamers (get it? It’s a humor joke) are against the equal treatment of women and the concept that if a woman speaks her opinion on anything she shouldn’t be harassed so badly that she is forced out of her home.

honestly wish I could say that the last sentence in my last short paragraph was a joke (because I’ve been B-Ballin’ so many jokes in your face this whole piece) but let’s get down to the real part of this. GamerGate is a thing that started as what can be easily identifiable as a “hate-crime” (in which a mommy gate and a daddy gate hate each other very much) and has snowballed into a movement that waves the flag of “journalistic integrity”, but really they just violently harass and threaten to murder anybody who doesn’t believe in their “cause”.

It’s very easy to get sucked into the idea of GamerGate. Their flag is extremely pretty after all. Who wouldn’t want journalistic integrity? Everyone can agree that gaming journalism, as a whole, is a hilarious joke. To be fair though, all journalism is a hilarious joke.

People who support GamerGate have likened their cause to the MLK movement, which of course have many similarities. After all, Martin Luther King Jr. HATED Social Justice Warriors. To quote his famous “I have a dream” speech,


“I have a dream that white people and black people can stand against those stupid Social Justice Warriors. I hate it when they try and destroy the sanctity of gaming. They’re a bunch of doodyheads, amirite? *high fives nearby person*”


I don’t know if you’ve caught it by now (I’m obviously very subtle) but I think the term “Social Justice Warrior” as an insult is, to put it lightly, the dumbest thing I’ve ever heard. To suggest that “someone who stands for something that is good” is an insult just means you don’t like progressive change and would, frankly, like to return to the Middle Ages.

MLK literally was a Social Justice Warrior and so GamerGaters (Gators? I guess they aren’t technically alligators which would make their cause more terrifying than it already is. I suppose they’d get a sweet Discovery Channel show out of it though because you can’t be an alligator and not be on the Discovery Channel) comparing themselves to the MLK movement makes no sense and is wrong. Of course they would compare themselves to MLK though because who can’t get behind his message? Everyone agrees that segregation is bad (well, mostly everyone) and so he’s standing up for a just cause, much like GamerGaters obviously (Hint: This is called sarcasm).

Then there’s the stark knee-jerk reaction to the concept of feminism and an attack on anyone who sides with said “feminists.” Let me break down what a feminist is to these people though because it’s not what you are thinking. A feminist is anybody who, at any point in their life, has said the following words, “Hey, don’t you think women should be treated better?”

That’s it. That’s the entirety of a feminist. There are varying degrees of feminism and on a bad day feminism can turn into, “I hate men” (commonly referred to as the Lifetime Channel Position), but in essence all people are seeking is that women are treated and represented better on this planet.

How that translates to gaming is how women are represented in the medium itself and how they are treated in regards to that medium. When a woman makes a video game (something that doesn’t happen enough as it is) she is generally treated with contempt by the community because how can a woman possibly know anything about vidjaman games? It’d be impossible for her to share the same passion that many other male developers have, obviously, and so her game is obviously a piece of shit and should be removed from history in its entirety. In addition, she should quit her job and become a prostitute because girls are only good for sex and sexification. This I decree as King of Douchebaggery and SexFuck Industries.

Oops, did I get carried away? I’m really sorry about that, sometimes when I ramble I turn into a misogynistic piece of shit. I won’t let it happen again, m’lady.

On top of all of that, people who oppose GamerGate are harassed to the point of having to flee their home (a place that is generally considered safe by many). People who support the cause say, “Oh but I didn’t threaten anyone. I shouldn’t have to explain the actions of other people who support the same cause as I do. Also those are extremists, those exist in every group and movement” Oops, you just said something super dumb.

GamerGate began as hate and harassment and continues to be fueled by hate and harassment. When a movement consistently and continuously harasses anyone who doesn’t support their cause with death, rape, and school-shootingy threats it’s not about journalistic integrity. It’s an internal competition between GamerGaters to see who can send out the most horrific threats per minute per day. 

Let’s be honest though, it was never about journalistic integrity. For it to be about journalistic integrity, then people would still be talking about it. Instead, the only time the topic is brought up is whenever people ask for a reason for the movement. You can’t really just respond with, “We like to harass people who disagree with us, especially women.” First of all, it’s way too many syllables and second of all, it’s morally deplorable. I may have mixed up that order, I’ll get back to you on that.

What’s important though is that the actions of the “extremists” in the GamerGate movement DO need to be accounted, especially by the people who support GamerGate that are not actual violent thought (and literal) criminals. People have told me before to ignore GamerGate and “eventually it’ll go away” mostly because if I validate them they become “more real.” That would make sense if GamerGate was something like a personal fear I had, growing only in strength when I give it validity and enable it to cripple me.

That’s not correct though. GamerGate is a cancer on society and when it’s left unchecked it grows and grows and will continue to grow. That’s why so many people are speaking out against it and that’s why more people should.

What bothers me more than anything is that people can’t just admit that they are wrong. I don’t want to be misunderstood though, so let me clarify. People who believe in the concept of “journalistic integrity” and stand wholeheartedly behind that should continue to stand by that. It’s not a bad thing to stand for after all.

However, you can totally admit that your initial support of GamerGate was misguided and wrong because you thought that they were lining up with your ideology. Little did you know that you secretly became a part of a hate group and now you’re a part of something terrible. Just say, “Oops this shit is hella fucked, I’m sorry everyone I was wrong.”

There’s no need to be embarrassed. If I found out I was a part of a cult that wanted me to blindly hate people who disagree with our views I would definitely say, “This doesn’t sound very good, can I not be a part of this? Please unlock the door? Elder, please get back here and let me out.”

Haha, I’m just joking! Elder Jeffrey let me out eventually. Let that bring comfort to anyone who may support GamerGate who doesn’t realize what they are a part of.

If you’ve read this far into this article (which I thank you for by the way. Most people cannot get past the first couple of words) you’ll know that my initial presentation of myself (If you’ve already forgotten because you suffered a stroke mid-read, the beginning of this article I called myself “stupid”) is absolutely correct. I am not eloquent, I am not well-read, and I am not particularly good at making my articles flow well.

None of these things, however, should diminish the point of this article. I am a comedy writer who has decided to use his medium to tell a tale of the bad that GamerGate is doing. People need to realize the difference between, “I respect your opinion but I disagree with you” and “I do not like the words you are saying with your mouthhole, can you please die by my hand?” How can people not see the difference between these two statements? The first one is how you are supposed to treat people you disagree with (me for example) and the second one is how psychopaths respond to any stimulant.

In other words, GamerGate has a persistent pattern of hate towards their opposition and women in games in general. It is not about journalistic integrity. It has never been about journalistic integrity. Literally nobody brings up points about journalistic integrity. The main point presented is, “Boy I sure wish we had journalistic integrity.” That’s it. That’s the argument. Then you follow that up with threats towards the opposition, rinse, and repeat.

Basically the only proper way to end this is to simply say Stop GamerGate 2014. Stop it now. Stop it yesterday. That would be really nice. Also, feel free to brand me a Social Justice Warrior because the term “Warrior” is far cooler than my normal descriptor which mainly reads as “Humongous Fucking Nerd.” I’d love to be a warrior, especially if it comes with complimentary armor.




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